How I’m starting

Do I Know What I’m Doing? No. But I Know I Need Change.

Some days, I wake up and ask myself: Do I even know what I’m doing?
The honest answer? No.

But what I do know—deep in my soul—is that I’m craving change. Not just a surface-level reset, but something deeper. I want to understand myself. I want to heal. I want to grow. So, I’m starting from the inside out.

I’m taking the time to analyze what drags me down mentally. What keeps me stuck? What dims my light? And just as importantly—I’m exploring what brings me joy. What makes me feel alive? What fills my cup?

This is the beginning of my self-discovery journey.

Loving Yourself Is Easier Said Than Done

Everyone says you can’t fully love others without loving yourself first.
And while that sounds beautiful in theory, the truth is… it’s hard. What does loving yourself even look like? Is it confidence? Is it peace? Is it acceptance?

I’ve been to therapy. I’ve listened to motivational podcasts. I’ve read the books. But none of it truly works unless I sit with me—quietly, intentionally—and start doing the work.

So here I am, on May 13, 2025, planting the first seed. I know this journey isn’t linear. I know the list of things I want to improve will keep growing. But I’m starting. Now. Today.

Finding Purpose, Creating Peace

I’m adding God into my life.
I’m not the most religious, but I believe—and I believe He gives me purpose.

My kids are my purpose. I created them. I chose this life. And now I’m choosing to show up with intention. To accept that being their mother is a calling. But I also know that purpose doesn’t stop there.

I want to feel more organized—in every corner of my life.
Not just my home, but my head. My drawers, my garage, my digital spaces—yes, even my Pinterest boards and email folders. If I can declutter my physical world, maybe my mind will follow. Maybe the constant feeling of being overwhelmed will fade into something softer, more manageable.

Setting Boundaries, Not Walls

Another thing I’m learning: boundaries are not selfish—they’re necessary.

I’m setting them with work, so I don’t lose sight of my number one goal: putting my kids first. I’m setting them with my husband, with people around me, and even with myself. Because when I don’t set boundaries, I drift—emotionally, mentally, spiritually. And I lose track of who I am and where I want to go.

Boundaries are how I stay grounded.

Self-Care That Heals, Not Just Fills

I want to explore self-care that’s actually healing—not just quick fixes.
I want hobbies that connect me to peace. Activities that help me bond with my kids while teaching us both something new. I’m done with numbing. I want to feel again.

One Small Step Toward a Bigger Life

Change is hard.
But I’m starting small—with one consistent step each day.

I’ve committed to waking up every morning at 4:45 AM.
I tell myself how I want the day to go. I listen to a faith-based video on YouTube to start my morning with light. I’ve bought weights. I’m starting an 8-week workout program by Heather Richardson. I’ll be tracking and posting my progress—from start to finish.

And maybe the biggest step I’ve taken:
I quit my second job. I now work only one job and pick up extra shifts only when it fits within the boundaries I’ve set for my family. Graveyard shifts, doubles on the same day—only when my husband is off.

Because I have to remind myself, again and again:
My kids are my priority. They are my purpose.

The Journey Has Just Begun

I don’t have it all figured out.
But I’m showing up.
I’m doing the work.
And I believe—with small, consistent choices—I’m building a life that feels lighter, fuller, and finally, mine.